Election 2008 Post Mortem

It's over. And now is the time to expunge any remaining bits of partisanship, so I can rally around the common-cause/system-of-triage intently focused on the trinity of Economy, Energy, and Foreign Affairs. I'm not going to cram my liberal social ideology down anyone's throat right now (which is why I'm not flipping out--in this forum, anyway--about the passage of Proposition 8 in California). I hope those on the evangelical right will do the same on their end. Just pretend for a moment that you're being coached by Phil Jackson, and he's telling you you've got to focus, stay Zen, be a team-player, and get into-the-zone. Now. Or else, we lose. Period. So just set to the side all those hot-button issues like gun control, and abortion, and teaching "intelligent design" instead of evolution to our kids in science class. Just until we've stopped the bleeding and we're out of triage, OK?

But can I just have one last go at Sarah Palin? Just to get it out of my system? Because I've tried sooo hard to keep the gloves on, and be fair to her... just as a matter of principle. But I can't just let all her hoodwinking go unchallenged... because it's dangerous... and I don't want conscientious evangelicals to follow that lipstick-wearing false prophet. OK. Here goes...

Woman, where do I even start with you?! I hope SNL does an alternate-universe spoof on what Washington might have been like with you there (shudder), and they should call it The Wasilla Hillbillies (I got that gem from top McCain advisers, btw). You don't go "rogue" on the Presidential candidate who brought you onto his ticket! That's so... "hillbilly." Take a cue from Ellie-Mae Clampett, who at least gained some sophistication from her days in Beverly Hills--and no, shopping at Neiman Marcus does not count.

It's not all about you, girl. Normally, a VP candidate would not even think of demanding that she be allowed to deliver her own concession speech(!)--didja know that, Ms. I'm-Not-A-Diva? And fer Chrissakes, you don't receive in your hotel room top McCain (male) advisers who are there to brief you on important matters, wearing nothing but a bathtowel! You're not that cute or irresistible, honey. So stop trying to skate by on your looks and charm. Stop trying to justify your willful ignorance by declaring a war on "elitism" and intelligence. Why don't you go and, like, read something. Anything. Though I'd recommend the Constitution of the United States as a starting point, if you're really serious about leading your party in 2012.

Oh... you make me so mad, Sarah Palin, you ditzy high-school beeotch, you. I'd, like, totally catfight you behind the gymnasium... except that I know you'd just whip out your rifle and shoot me down like a moose. Or a polar bear. But I digress...

Go do some homework, Sarah Palin. Stop telling people it's OK to be ignorant and xenophobic, and stop mucking it up for all those smart and truly accomplished women out there who are trying to rise by virtue of their own (non-sexual) merits. Do all that, and I promise you, I will not go postal on you in 2012... if that's really where you're headed.

(Exhale) I'm so glad I got that out of my system. If you've read this far, thanks for letting me rant/vent. I sooo needed it.