How To Repair Your Image Using The Same Media You Once Shunned

I know, I know... I keep saying I'm not going to talk about Sarah Palin anymore. But she keeps invading my airwaves the way Putin supposedly invades the airspace above her front porch... So. Until Sarah Palin shuts up, I can't shut up.

Here's how to repair your badly damaged image, Sarah Palin style:

1) Make sure the cameramen get lots of shots of you cookin' up some Moose Chili and such.

2) Hide the vast stash of Mountain Dew stockpiled in your kitchen.

3) Make sure your children keep all their wild critters well hidden until Matt Lauer leaves (As well as their child-sized shotguns).

4) Dress your youngest daughter in an "I heart NY" T-shirt to show how much you actually love those snarky elitist intellectual snobs at The New York Times--Bless their hearts!

5) Remind/Correct that same daughter, on camera, that Campaign Learnin' is far more valuable than Book Learnin'--isn't it, Piper? (Grit teeth here) Because Piper didn't really mean it when she complained to Matt that she hated all those campaign rallies and all the school-days she unfortunately missed... now did you, Piper.

6) Wear the same ugly from-my-favorite-consignment-shop-in-Anchorage pink jacket you wore the day after the ShoppingGate story broke. And remind us all of how not-nearly-as-cute you were before all those gays (Bless their hearts!) and stylists got their hands on you.

7) Insist that you and John McCain actually really love each other, and still talk practically every day. (Um... we all noticed the awkward body-language between you two, Sarah. And if John calls his own wife a c*nt in public (in jest, I hope), what do you think he calls you behind closed doors, hmm?)